first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
