I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
