pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
