pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm at about main and main street
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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