M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
