Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
