My room smells like vodka and shame
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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