and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
