I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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