But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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