Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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