Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My bed smells like the plague
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
