dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
