I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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