yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
