How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
