omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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