So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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