Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
