Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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