I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
