would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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