No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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