census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
