I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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