I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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