I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
