so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
