Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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