update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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