i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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