It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
