You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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