Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
