He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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