Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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