she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
