my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
