My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
