Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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