I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
