So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's official drugs can't kill me
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
