high people should be assigned attendants
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
