I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Come see our sink grown plant.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
