My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
