The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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