There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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