Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
