i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
