margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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