so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
