I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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