Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
last night I used snow as a chaser
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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