now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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