It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
