She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
